Defy Defy Defy

Over the last few months during my weight loss journey, one of the most important discoveries that I have made is that I… am defiant. See, two months ago if someone said that, I’d probably have responded with, ‘Dude, I am SO NOT defiant. I’m so compliant! I do whatever you want! I’m NOT defiant.’ But alas, I am. Let me tell you what, after realizing that about myself, I feel I have a responsibility to learn to live my life in a non-defiant way and its difficult at times!

Anyway, what does defiance have to do with weight loss? A lot, actually. From the beginning of my childhood and into my teenage years, I’d always admired celebrities and public figures. I’d always acknowledged that there’s a certain “requirement” to what society thinks is beautiful. Hollywood creates this feeling and it really does seem to be an effective way to control the masses and increase sales in diets and health foods and pills and the like. Millions of teenagers are influenced every hour by what the media portrays. Messages come across to them that you must be stick thin in order to be someone. From the outside, celebrities seem to be in a perpetual competition about who can be the skinniest; this sets the tone for the ‘normal’ people who would like to have the luxury of occasionally indulging in a Big Mac and Coke.

It seems like one of the most common things I’ve heard from teens about weight loss is that they want to look like [insert celebrity here]. And this is where my defiance sets in.

I don’t want to be “controlled” by an outside force. I don’t want to be told to have another person as my standard as to what I should look like. I want to be loved for who I am. I want to be accepted no matter what size I am. I want all of these general good feelings from everyone else and in fact, I’m willing to be pretty harmful to my body by the food I choose to eat or the lack of exercising I choose to maintain. I’ll show them!

This was a typical conversation that went through my head for years and years. This kind of self-promotion talk felt good in the moment. It felt like I really knew who I was and what I wanted, and gosh darnit everyone else should just know as well and love me just the same! And if they don’t love me, they should! Everyone! It turns out that it was a pretty dishonest way for me to be going about my life.

So what happened? Why did I suddenly realize the value of eating and exercising? I’m glad you asked!

One day about 3 months ago, I was walking down a hill on a brisk morning. Strike that, I was running down the hill. I felt amazing. There was a split moment where I realized that I had been out of pop for a few days and considered re-routing myself to grab a 12-case of Diet Dr. Pepper. At that moment, I had a realization. It was the single most life-changing realization I’ve ever had. As I continued walking down the hill I said out loud, “I don’t need pop.” My world changed. I can’t even describe it to you except that I saw everything a little bit crisper, brisker, and fully at that moment than I ever had before. I kept walking and said, “I don’t need to eat unhealthy stuff,” and there was another shift for me. This life-changing moment was so tiny, nearly unnoticeable, but it happened. From that point forward I have given up pop and started my healthy lifestyle.

The most amazing thing about this realization was that my decision had nothing to do with how over weight I was. It had nothing to do with defiance. It had nothing to do with celebrities. It had nothing to do with this idea of who I thought I should be. The realization pointed me towards an amazing concept. The concept of releasing something that I thought I had previously needed in order to define myself. I literally was known as the Diet Dr. Pepper girl in some of my friend-circles. The amazing part is that by having this realization I suddenly gave myself a type of forward momentum that I’ve never felt before. There was no negative feelings of “I must shed pounds now!” or “I’m not as tiny as [insert celebrity name here],” just a beautiful understanding of my needs at that moment.

I think that it’s important to really understand your struggle with weight, if you do struggle. Why are you struggling? Is it because “everyone” looks like that? Is it because everyone has an expectation of you that you don’t want to meet? Is it because you lack the ability to say no to yummy foods? Is it because you sit and chat on your computer during all of your spare time and never get out to get some real exercise? Why is it a struggle? Is it possible for it to be a goal for you but to not struggle through it?

That’s where I am at now, to be honest. I have a goal. I want to weigh 140 pounds in 13 months from now. I think I can do it in 10 months. Currently, I weigh 228 pounds with a BMI (Body Mass Index) rate of 40.1. According to the information that I read at, a healthy BMI rate is anything in the range of 18.5 to 24.9. So… not too far to go, eh? Speaking of BMI, I thought it was cool to find out that Kristin’s BMI is 19.7 and Kendra’s BMI is 19.2.

My goal is to continue my newfound lifestyle and make every decision carefully and consciously, forever. My decision and choices aren’t a struggle to me. There’s no downside if it doesn’t happen the way I plan it. There’s no punishments if I don’t make my weekly goal weight. There’s only an understanding that I care about my body and what I’m doing with it. I don’t compare myself to anyone else. I only compare my results this week with my results last week and try to analyze why the results were the way the were.

One of the things that’s helped for me is to keep a food log. I am doing this every day and sending it in to a friend of mine to reveal what I eat to another person. This helps me to stay honest with myself when I’m choosing the foods I do choose. It gives me a great system of growth and achievement. YAY SELF-ESTEEM!

One of the most important things, at least in my experience, is to fully know the reasons why I am doing what I do and if those reasons will ultimately be good for me, my world and the world around me. By concerning myself with others (i.e. comparing myself to celebrities rather than against my own results) it is only helping to set those “standards” that Hollywood wants to keep around. Here’s a secret… the standards aren’t actually set by Hollywood. They’re set by you all. In my experience (limited though it may be), teens and adults alike make judgements about themselves compared to others and that allows for a direct way for Hollywood to influence the world. So knowing that, I choose to ask myself, “Self? Is that something you really want to be apart of?” I’d rather influence my own world with the encouragement of others.

Having said that, I wanted to post a little ‘thank you’ to those who have helped me in the last few months. I’ve had amazing food training with a couple of my food guru friends. I’ve got one of the most pleasant and encouraging personal trainers I’ve ever had, and once-a-month check-ins of physical training measurement with someone whom I value greatly when it comes to exercise. All of my friends are generally very supportive and conscious of my choices, even if they are making other choices. I truly appreciate everyone’s participation with my journey and can’t wait to see the end-goal come to fruition. I have 83 more pounds to loose in about 10 months. Let’s experience it together here in this blog!

Next week’s goals for me are to loose 2 pounds and to get my measurements done. I’ll check in on Friday to update you all if not before then. Keep commenting! It’s so encouraging and wonderful to put out there the struggles you’re going through. If you want to do a diet but aren’t sure, you’re welcomed to post here and ask questions. I can only share with you my personal (uncertified) experience and give you resources to find information out for yourself. We’re all different, after all. Just… please… keep in mind that I’m not in any way qualified to give actual fitness or nutrition advice. But I do care about you all and the choices you make and don’t mind offering my own opinion to help you research your questions or point you in some helpful direction.

Until next time!


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11 Responses to “Defy Defy Defy”

  1. Gina Says:

    You make so many good points. I can’t understand why a LOT of young girls are affected by the media. I guess it’s because I was never affected by it and that’s why *I* myself don’t understand. In fact, I was always wondering WHY they were concerned about their image in terms of weight in the first place. I would watch TV with my sister and say: “Wow, why is that girl look like a rail? Doesn’t she eat or something?” I wasn’t trying to offensive, just honest. It seems to me that people are NEVER satisfied with themselves. There will ALWAYS be something. Your hair might be frizzy, oh no! You might have a zit or something. Our bodies are always changing. At least that’s what I think and what I’ve experienced. Love yourself! You’re the only body you’ve got. ❀

    Good luck with your weight loss program! It sounds like it’s really going well so far and I’m happy to hear that! I’m rooting for you an anyone else who is trying to lose weight. ❀ Your story was very inspirational to me. I just need something like that to hit me sometime… Hopefully! ^__^

  2. Denise Says:

    Tabby = AMAZING!!

    you go girl πŸ˜‰

  3. Lydia Says:

    Tabby, you’re amazing! Thanks for lifting my spirits up and for helping me to figure things out.
    Go for it girl!

  4. Jennifer Says:

    Tabby your amazing girl!

  5. krystal anne Says:

    Tabby i cant wait to see your progress in your new journy. i can’t begin to imagin the feeling you get every time you take a step closer to your goal. it reminds me of the ‘a journy of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’ so far you doing great it sounds!!! i can’t tell you how proud of you i am and how big of an insperation you are to not only me but to every girl who reads this blog.

    your going to make a difference not only in your life, but in a thousand as well.

    love always krystal.

  6. skahahoo Says:

    Whoa Tabby. You just blew. my. mind. You’re the first person I’ve heard bring up that idea of defiance and release.

    I also want to say that I think you have a tremendous amount of courage and a profoundly generous spirit for sharing your experiences like this. High five!! πŸ™‚

  7. Kelly Says:

    Wow, that’s awesome! It’s great that you’re willing to share your experiences with us, that’s amazing!
    Good luck with the weight loss problem!

    Take care,

  8. Ver0nik21 Says:

    wow! tabby!

    It’s so awesome that you are sharing with us your journey!!! It’s a great help to all of the girls who are trying to lose some weight!!!

    Can’t wait to see new posts!!


  9. Anna Says:

    Hi Tabby – congratulations on taking the first steps in your journey. I lost about 100 pounds in the last year myself. I have three things to tell you.

    1) The best advice I got was to have Omega3-6-9 supplements. Often when you change your eating patterns, it affecting the vitamins being absorbed. The fat found in fatty acids is essential – it also gives you great skin and hair.

    2) Also, please don’t be discouraged if you don’t get to your goal weight in 10 months – sometimes you will hit a plateau, and as long as you are consistent, your weight will decrease.

    3) The BMI only measures weight to height. If you are weight training (which I hope you are), you will build muscle and this weighs more than fat. I suggest getting tested on a scale that tells you your body fat % – this is a better tool to gauge health.

    Continued success and motivation on your journey.

    All the best,

  10. jamie19 Says:

    Congrats on your journey πŸ™‚
    I’m dying to lose weight myself… but in my current condition… I can’t lose weight until I start excersing which I can’t do right now because I need to suscribe to a gym where there is a pool (I can’t do much sport because of knee injury) to start excersing in the pool. Unfortunately, the only one I found not too far from home and well equiped is really expensive so I have to wait until I have some money to actually be able to suscribe to the gym and start my own diet/exercise.
    I hope I’ll be able to do it soon cause I’m really tired of being so huge (doctors say I’m morbidly obese (my weight is: 123kg)), so ugly…

  11. bmepain Says:

    Greets! Really amazing. keep working!

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