NEWS DAY TUESDAY! “TEEN GIRL PURITY”

This Tuesday is a special News Day! The below is not only a very interesting topic to discuss, but the article is written by a GBD member! Yippi! Now as much as I would love to tell you who this gal is, she would like to remain incognito 🙂 Oooo the mystery!

Have any of you heard of the Father-Daughter Purity Ball? It’s a ceremony for which fathers and daughters get dressed up to go dancing, and during which the fathers promise “to protect their daughters’ virtue until marriage.” The following article from Time Magazine describes one particular Father-Daughter Purity Ball, and goes into some of the history behind and the controversy surrounding these types of events. It also asks a bunch of questions, and all of us would LOVE to hear what your thoughts are on any of those, or any of these;

· What does “Teen Girl Purity” mean to YOU? Is it just about virginity or is there more to it than that?

· Do you think purity balls are a good idea? Would you attend one?

· When it comes to parenting teenage girls, how do you think the role of the father differs from that of the mother, or is there a difference at all?

· In your culture or environment, do you think teenage girls need more protection or more freedom in order to become the best people they can be?

…or any other rumblings going on in those fascinating brains of yours! Rant! Rave! Ponder the meaning of it all! But keep it clean ladies. 🙂

Excerpt from the article:

So [Robert and Lisa Wilson] came up with a ceremony; they wrote a vow for fathers to recite, a promise “before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the areas of purity,” to practice fidelity, shun pornography and walk with honor through a “culture of chaos” and by so doing guide their daughters as well. That was in 1998, the year the President was charged with lying about his sex life, Viagra became the fastest-selling new drug in history, and movies, according to the Encyclopaedia Britannica, reflected “a surge in the worldwide relaxation of sexual taboos.”

Link to the article: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1823930,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Link to some photos of the ball: http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1822906,00.html?iid=redirect-purity

Laters!

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30 Responses to “NEWS DAY TUESDAY! “TEEN GIRL PURITY””

  1. Marilyne Says:

    Well, I find this topic very controversial. I feel that imposing a commitment of chastety and purity in our days, is like going back in the 40’s all over again. I think that when the young girls are obliged to wait for their dad’s permisson, like it was a bad bad thing to do before marriage, is putting sex on a black list when they don’t even have clue of what it really is. Parents, moms or dads should freely discuss about it and let their kids know about the risks, the contraceptions and the responsibilities that come with it as well of its beauty, of the intimacy connection with the other person. That way, knowing the facts, the good and the bad, I think that the girl will make a well-thought decision and when she will feel and know she is ready, then it’ll be HER choice. Morever, when a thing is forbidden(mostly by parents) teenagers tend to find it more fun and actually do it, to disobey to their parents.

    I think that girls should spend some qualiy time with their dads, involving something else than a commitment.

    But this is just my opinion 😛

  2. Jennifer Says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more Marilyne. =) I feel the same way about it as you do.

  3. Marianne Says:

    Am I the only one who finds that hella creepy? And girls as young as 4 are taking part in that? C.R.E.E.P.Y.

    When it comes to parenting teenage girls, how do you think the role of the father differs from that of the mother, or is there a difference at all?
    There shouldn’t be a difference. They should be seen differently as the unique people they are, but not as mother and father if it makes sense.

    In your culture or environment, do you think teenage girls need more protection or more freedom in order to become the best people they can be?
    They need more education.

    I’m not even gonna touch the other questions.

  4. Alicia Says:

    I believe that no idea should be forced, not even abstinence. It’s a personal choice everyone has to make, no one should be forced into one opinion. I do believe, however, that everyone should be educated about all facets of sex; pregnancy, STI’s, as well as the pleasurable aspects. People need to be educated before they make such decisions.

  5. Alicia Says:

    PS: Assuming these girls are straight… where’s the teen boy purity? You need two to tango!

  6. Marilyne Says:

    @Alicia
    I really agree with your last comments! hihi

  7. Gina Says:

    I agree with what most of what has been said. I think it’s pretty awkward going to a “purity” ball with your father. I think it would be more suitable for MOTHERS and their children.

    Question: What does “Teen Girl Purity” mean to YOU? Is it just about virginity or is there more to it than that?

    My Answer: It could be about virginity – I mean, that’s what it sounds like to me. But it could also be about morals (whether religious morals or non-religious morals) that are about drugs, alcohol, making right decisions, etc.

    Question: Do you think purity balls are a good idea? Would you attend one?

    My Answer: I think so. I mean, they can teach us some of the things that they don’t teach us in school. Like self-esteem, beauty, how to deal with problems and solve them in a mature manner, the list goes on. And no, I wouldn’t go to one, since I’m 19 and I’m mature enough to make my own decisions. I know the difference between right and wrong and I know how to make my decisions wisely.

    Question: When it comes to parenting teenage girls, how do you think the role of the father differs from that of the mother, or is there a difference at all?

    My Answer: I don’t have ANY experience in this field, but since I’m still a teenager, I’ll say that it varies from family to family. From what I have observed, it’s different. From my OWN EXPERIENCE, it’s easier talking to my mom than my dad. And some fathers can be like mothers to their teenage daughters if they don’t have mothers. So it varies, I think.

    Question: In your culture or environment, do you think teenage girls need more protection or more freedom in order to become the best people they can be?

    My Answer: That’s tough. I’d have to say freedom, though. In order to experience most things in this world, you’ll need freedom. BUT it has to be at an appropriate age. DON’T shelter children about sex and such. Give them honest answers. I read something a while ago (I wish I had the link) that children learn about sex MUCH earlier than Americans do. They learn about almost everything and the cases of rapes are SO much lower than in America. It’s weird, but I think that more education should definitely be enforced. I think that we’re too uneducated and misinformed about certain topics in America.

    I advise everyone to watch this. It’s pretty long, 40 minutes, and it’s called ‘Stupid in America’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx4pN-aiofw

    VERY good video.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts! 🙂

  8. Jennifer Says:

    I find the whole Purity Ball situation to be very creepy, but beyond that [very] obvious observation I find that it stunts the growth of girls from a very early age. I went to a single sex Catholic high school (after having attended a co-ed Catholic elementary school) and throughout the four years that I was there I had the opportunity to have religion teachers with varying degrees of opinions on the topic of sex, but they all agreed on the same, very important point: We are all sexual beings and should not shun our sexuality. Now they weren’t telling us to go out and have as much promiscuous sex as possible in discovering this sexuality of ours, but they told us to be, at the very least, aware of it and that there was nothing wrong with it.

    Having never attended a purity ball I obviously don’t know exactly what their definition of purity is, but having read the article it seems that it’s almost purely about preserving virginity. With the problems youth faces today you’d think abstinence from self-destructive, harmful substances such as drugs and alcohol would be promoted as well.

    Let women make their own decisions about things regarding themselves and their bodies (mentally and physically) instead of leaving it up to the guidance of their fathers.

    P.S. I would like to find a Purity Ball for Young Men. Oh wait, there probably isn’t one because male virginity isn’t as important, is it? *eye roll*

  9. iMatt Says:

    Obsession with one’s self, coming to irrational conclusions, and the projection of insecurities are surefire ways to emotional enlightenment.

  10. Adriana Says:

    I actually did know about the “Purity Ball” before I read this blog. It was on the Tyra show. Then, and still now, I’ m undecisive on what I think of it. It’s a bit weird having fathers bring their 5 year old daughters to the ball when they have NO IDEA what it is about. Maybe if the girls were at least 10 or 11 years old it would be better. But, then again, maybe because I don’t talk about sex to my father ( I have never even heard him utter the word) I can’t IMAGINE going to a ball with him where he is promising to protect my virtue! In my opinion, though, I do believe sex is after marriage. I just want my first and only time to be with the person I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

    The biggest problem I have with the ball though, is that it’s only for GIRLS! If their going to be having purity balls, it should be for both sexes! I guess male virginity is not as important as a female’s virginity because were supposed to be pure and innocent.

  11. Lola Says:

    While I do agree with remaining a virgin until marriage, I do find this to be really strange. I think that girls should be very well educated on STD’s and such and it is definitley a personal decision. I understand what these people are trying to do but I don’t necessarily believe that it will be very effective. What girl is going to stay committed to something that she did at 5? If they want to do something similar to this they need to up the age limit for sure and educate… not dance and have Dad recite something. I hope they rethink this Purity Ball idea and see how ineffective it is really going to be. That’s just my two cents.

  12. Ver0nik21 Says:

    Just like Gina, I agree with almost everything that’s been said here specially Alicia comments!

    About the questions:

    · What does “Teen Girl Purity” mean to YOU? Is it just about virginity or is there more to it than that?
    I kinda think it’s just about virginity seems for adults it’s a big issue as they think you are less of a human been?!

    ·Do you think purity balls are a good idea? Would you attend one?
    I don’t think they are good idea, i think it’d be good idea if they go to a sex, alcohol and drugs education class together, these things are always gonna be out there as an option to any girl or boy. And I wouldn’t go to one!

    · When it comes to parenting teenage girls, how do you think the role of the father differs from that of the mother, or is there a difference at all?

    Yes, there is a difference, I fell more comfortable
    talking to my mom anout anything that with my dad, don’t really now why maybe coz she is a woman and she might felt the same.

    · In your culture or environment, do you think teenage girls need more protection or more freedom in order to become the best people they can be?

    I think they need more freedom, but as well to be very informed! because even if parents want to protect you sometimes they overprotect you and you just end up fed up with so much crap they put on you! My parents do give me freedom as well as responsability which i think it’s fair coz it makes you think about the desicions that you made!

    Well, Have a great day you all!

    xoxoxo

    p.s: sorry if there is any type mistake I just wrote so quickly. no much time, have class!

  13. Gina Says:

    I also agree with you, Ver0nik21!

    And I agree with Adriana about sex after marriage. I’m a Christian, and even BEFORE I was one, I thought that sex after marriage would make more sense. Because knowing me, if I had sex before marriage and broke UP with the guy, I would feel regret. That’s why I think it would be more special until you waited until marriage. Just my opinion though!! I already know the other side of the argument. :3

  14. H Says:

    Once again, I apologize. I’ll just rewrite what I really wanted to post (you can remove this disclaimer):

    I just want to provide a different perspective on what I think this article is trying to say.

    I see a commitment made between two people of different sexes who share a special bond, one who is supposed to be the maintainer and protector of the other until a certain age, and not an imposition of beliefs. We all have free will, and if these girls are being forced or are faking their way through them, that defeats the whole purpose. Any of these girls can sneak out behind their father’s back and “get busy” if they really wanted to.

    If we want to talk about an imposition of beliefs or creepiness, what about the images generated in the mainstream media concerning sex that young impressionable girls are bombarded with, where virginity is often seen as naive, not cool, or even wrong? I see strength in solidarity in these purity balls, which counteracts such images as Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous Girl”.

    As far as purity balls for the male persuasion of the sexes is concerned, even though they may not exist, I’m sure there are young men out there who believe in the principle behind the event and apply it to themselves.

  15. Ashley Says:

    Okay, so this will probably be the longest I ever have replied because i wear ring that stands for just that. My mother gave it to me, my father just like talks about it and how teen boys can be. Let’s face it girls, we know how guys are, right? Well, this ring stands for my purity or if you wanna call it virginity. So I do believe and live by it.

    Teen Purity is a special thing I believe because it makes us as girls unique and shows that we’re strong in a way. It definitely is virginity because you wanna save (and I don’t mean to sound like a preacher) yourself for the right guy(Mr. Right). I am dating at the moment, but like he knows it means a lot to me so like he doesn’t push barriers or try to make me feel uncomfortable.

    A purity ball um…well yeah I’d say its a good idea. Its something I guess fathers and daughters can have something in common, considering its normally are brothers that are more close than we are with our dads. It seem interesting, yeah.

    Parenting with it being dads on daughters come on girls we have to admit it…it does it uncomfortable talking about it with them and we just kind of wanna push it aside and yeah, “Yeah, okay dad, whatever you say.” With our moms, its like they can understand us better. It’s kind of like here blogging with you guys…like we’re all girls at least I hope we are, but um…yeah I just think girls and women can understand things or talk about this than talking to guys about it.

    Teen girls living in Indiana where just walking down the street like girls prostitutes or in my part at least. I’d have to say more protection so we know that we can make it through the world knowing we have support in whatever we do, but not saying don’t give us freedom, cause we do need that. Just protect us so we aren’t in
    harms way.

    So yeah i think its a great idea to have and should happen. Definitely would make like stronger bonds between father daughter. So, I’m a yippee with Kendra. Sorry I just love that word.

  16. Emmy Says:

    I am in my mid-20s and happily married. My husband is the only one I have ever had sex with, which didn’t happen until our wedding night. He was also a virgin until then. From the time we started dating, we were very cautious about being pure physically, mentally, and emotionally. We do not have any regrets about not having sex with anyone else and we are very happy that this very physically and emotionally intimate experience is and was only shared by us. I have had previous serious relationships (i.e. long-term, we were close friends, and saw our relationships going “somewhere”) and things got physical. My breakups ended on good terms and I don’t have ill-natured feelings towards my exes. However, not one day goes by where I’m glad those relationships happened. Yes, I did learn life lessons from each relationship, but I could’ve learned the same lessons through other experiences that didn’t involve as much unnecessary pain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I grew as a human being and became more self-aware, but if I had to do it over in the same way, I wouldn’t. In the end, my husband is that ONE person that is so special to me that ALL my previous relationships fade in comparison. In the end, those other relationships weren’t worth it. I wish that someone had told me this when I was growing up so that I would have been more careful in my romantic endeavors.

    Personally, I think it’s wonderful that fathers want to take part in their daughters’ lives, especially these days. Back in the day, a guy couldn’t court a girl without the parents’ permission because parents wanted to protect (in an uncontrolling way) their daughter from being taken advantage of or hurt on purpose. I think this is a very loving thing to do. What do these girls miss out on? Unnecessary heartache, drama, and a lot of regrets. Does purity mean uneducated in STIs and contraception? No it doesn’t!

    So in conclusion, I think purity is a good thing, I think fathers having a role guiding their daughters is a good thing, but fancy balls and vows aren’t necessary. Sometimes a good heart-to-heart is all it takes. 🙂

  17. H Says:

    I just want to provide a different perspective on what I think this article is trying to say.
    I see a commitment made between two people of different sexes who share a special bond, one who is supposed to be the maintainer and protector of the other until a certain age, and not an imposition of beliefs. We all have free will, and if these girls are being forced or are faking their way through them, that defeats the whole purpose. Any of these girls can sneak out behind their father’s back and “get busy” if they really wanted to.

    If we want to talk about an imposition of beliefs or creepiness, what about the images generated in the mainstream media concerning sex that young impressionable girls are bombarded with, where virginity is often seen as naive, not cool, or even wrong? I see strength in solidarity in these purity balls, which counteracts such images as Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous Girl”.

    As far as purity balls for the male persuasion of the sexes is concerned, even though they may not exist, I’m sure there are young men out there who believe in the principle behind the event and apply it to themselves.

  18. Prad Robert Says:

    hum hum , I will give my (partly anticlerical) liberal french boy point of view about that … (It would have been worst , It could be a german ahah)
    I think that religion wanting to impose some conversative ways of mind and customs has dangerously assimilated sex with love .
    I mean , It’s a outline , plan that people are imposing us .
    Sex and Love are very differents things …
    you can love someone and not desire him “amour platonique” platon love
    You can love someone and feel less (organic)pleasure with him that with someone you don’t love
    The first time is not the best time .
    So , I think It’s a pity to botch your “belles années” , I’m not only speaking about sex but sex is part of that , I’m speaking about experience , exotism more than erotism and then you could give all that to your husband .

    When you’re a young girl , you don’t belong to anybody , not to your father , not to your future , you just need to be responsible and try to be a free mind.

  19. Prad Robert Says:

    and I haven’t take care but It’s again a kind of fashionably bourgeois stuff .
    You know there is too much hypocrisy , to keep the illusion of a tradition that don’t exist yet.
    I’m sure they are the first to know that their girls won’t be like they want , pure and serious .
    I spent almost ten years in private catholic schools and believe me or not , those who were the “worsts” (for sex , drugs , alcohol etc ..) were those who lived in the worst hypocritical religious family .
    Whereas me and many more who had the right to do “all” what they wanted didn’t feel the need to exceed .

  20. skahahoo Says:

    I just wanted to pop in and say that the article did mention there were purity events for boys. I think the emphasis on and the popularity of the father-daughter events stem from the fact that this relationship speaks to a lot of our cultural norms, especially the idea that males protect and females need protecting…an idea which persists even today in many of our media, such as movies. But I’ve seen that changing in the past several years.

    And thanks Emmy for sharing that! It’s not a perspective you hear about everyday.

    And thanks Prad Robert for representing for the XYs out there. 😉

  21. k-chen Says:

    in short:

    I think it´s rather perverse.

    The whole father-protecting-daughter (=weak female) from evil is jingoistic (>chauvinism!!!), if you ask me.

    How do you define purity?

    Are you not “pure” if you smoke?
    Or if you take drugs occassionally and don´t hurt anyone by that, yet continue to be a loving person towards other human beings?
    Are girls supposed to suppress their sexuality and limit their sexual freedom in order to remain “pure”?

    …so many question…

    and a statement: I think it´s bullsh…

  22. Emma Says:

    Gosh, a lot of interesting responses here and some very valid points!
    Personally, I don’t agree with the concept of father’s vowing to protect their daughter’s purity, although I agree the intentions are good, it sounds quite archaic! There has to be a balance, otherwise children start sub-consciously resenting their parents.
    The thing is, that if a safe home environment has been there from the start, then there won’t be any embarrassment or intolerance around mistakes; and then kids can freely say: “Mom, Dad, I made a mistake… 😦 ” without feeling like that have to lie!
    Isn’t this better than actually taking a vow to NEVER do this or that!? We’re human and we’re fallible, and when growing up, surely it’s up to the individual to grow into their own identity and sexuality. If there are some mistakes along the way; is it really that bad? Girlys – have a lovely day further xx

  23. Prad Robert Says:

    I’m agree with you , It’s very macho , It could’nt happen in France , Feminists would say It’s an integrist event .
    Futhermore I don’t like when community use terms like “purity” “elected” “gifted” etc ..
    what that means for those who aren’t invested in this event ?
    girls who have sex before their wedding aren’t pure ?
    I respect girls who choose to do that , but I don’t see why they would be more pure than an other girl.

  24. Maxima Says:

    Me and my parents talk about this all the time.
    “We” agree that waiting to share physical intimacy after you get married is not something
    that really makes sense; when I will meet a man
    that I think I’m very interested in, then I would want to know him completely. I might like many of his aspects but I might not feel the same in the bedroom, or he might not like me that way.
    If I wait for that until my honeymoon…..that’s crazy.
    My father is really an open minded individual; I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he’s an artist. I have such a tight relationship with my Mom & Dad that I can and will talk to them about everything because they don’t judge me or force their beliefs on me, instead they give me suggestions, choices and share their own
    experiences on any given matter that I would bring up.
    As far as girls needing more freedom or more protection, I can only speak for myself; my parents thought me that discipline is freedom, meaning that if you work hard to better yourself in all aspects of life, you’ll receive the fruits of your labor in the forms of knowledge, experience, common sense and all the other good stuff, and with those tools you’ll gain freedom of really be what you want to be at your full potential. One great quote about experience by Aldous Huxley:
    “Experience is not what happens to a person. It is what a person does with what happens to him/her.”
    Ciao.

  25. Prad Robert Says:

    I spoke about “how i met your mother ? ” in the gbd facebook , I think an episode can be great to watch when you’re wondering about your first time , It’s the episode 12 of the second season .

  26. Ardie Says:

    Well, I took a “purity vow” back in the day (married with two kids now…), and I did wait until I was married. I was 13 when I got my “ring”, and it was decision I had made between myself and God, not my dad. That strikes me as a little odd. It was a choice I had made, someone didn’t force it on me, or pressure me into it, it wasn’t the fad or in thing to do either, I knew in my heart that I’d already promised that to myself, a ring was just symbolic, I would have kept the promise with our without the ring. As for the ball aspect and the pledging virginity to fathers, kind of creeps me out a bit. I don’t think it’s wrong for father’s to want to be good parents, and to educate and help their children in all areas, but it seems to be going over the line a bit with the Purity ball. That’s just me though…

  27. dom froggy Says:

    this is an idea of an other age

    In my eyes even if parents are thinking to do the best or the true thing for their daughter, I think this is very strange, this is like a “jail”…
    And maybe I can think this not so pure, when you are doing this kind of thing maybe you have lot of taboo in your mind, and one day they would like to choose the husband of their daughter, why not? Are they obliged to have a husband?

    You have to make your choice yourself and maybe you choose “Purity Ball” but I prefer not …

    The role of father or mother can not be the same because of the opposite sex,
    It is difficult to have the same intimacy with one and also the other

    But I think the role of your two parents is to learn to you to use your freedom and not to cut your wings

    Teenage girl need to learn to use their freedom , and also teenage boy , to use all their talent and become the best people
    in fact the best protection is to learn to respect each other (girl and boy)

  28. Scott123 Says:

    Yikes! The specter of control for control’s sake!
    I am reminded of Robert A. Heinlein who once wrote, “Every generation thinks it discovered sex, and every generation is wrong.”

    Your friend in recognizing the absurd,
    Scott123

  29. Sarah Says:

    Personally I think this is a kinda weird idea. I mean… man, its hard to say. I believe in abstinence until you are married, it is my faith, and obviously it is these girls also. Yet, i would never attend one of these balls with my dad. First of all, i wouldnt be able to get past the humiliation of having my dad stand up and vow to protect my virtue, and also, i see this as my choice. I dont want my father controlling my personal choices, and it seems like going through this will just make your dad über parinod of any and all guys. and also, while looking at the pictures of the ball, alot of the girls are so young, do they even know what their virtue is? I dont know… i guess in all i dont really support this.

  30. Corinne Says:

    I would never attend one just because well i dont even go to school dances let alone that kinda thing..

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