Brain VS Subconscious

I spent most of yesterday reflecting on my emotions, as I had been teary for the past 48 hours. I wanted to see if I could really get in touch with what was going on for me. HORMONES! Maybe?!

I am not sure if through this whole pregnancy I have REALLY, REALLY connected with the whole experience of being a human incubator and being a NEW PARENT. Imagine having on your TO DO LIST: incubate baby, learn to be a parent. Don’t laugh at me! Yes, these things appear on my internal TO DO LIST…I am nutty that way.

But here’s what I think brought on the tears, besides just hormones. I am learning to let go of control, and slowly realizing that I am vulnerable. Vulnerable, meaning, open to any possibility or situation and being open and able to accept help when I need it. Being vulnerable is a VERY SCARY thing for me. You can’t put, incubate a baby and learn to be a parent, on a TO DO LIST! It’s one of those things that you learn and experience along the way. You can’t control it. I can’t control it. CAN SOME TELL THAT TO MY SUBCONSCIOUS! Ok, look, if my brain and my subconscious can’t get along one of them is going to be sent to their room until they can play fair…hahahaha!

Now I know all this anti-control stuff intellectually, but I think the concept is integrating itself fully into my body and I am on the verge of having a major AHA! Moment, hence all the tears. The tears seem to reflect me working through the scary part of that.

My brain says, “I can’t control the world or even predict what might happen, I could go into labor at any moment. Ready or not, Extra Little could come flying out and that’s ok.”

My Subconscious says, ‘OMG I can’t control the world or even predict what might happen? I could go into labor at any moment. Ready or not, Extra Little could come flying out and, and, and…its NOT ok!

“Why is THAT sooo scary?” Asks Brain

Subconscious replies…because the Nursery isn’t done, I haven’t tied up loose ends, I haven’t completed all my goals, everything isn’t in “perfect” order, I haven’t planned every single little detail of my life, I haven’t read every book and, and, and….!

Then my dad calls at the perfect time and says, (what my brain would say) “Kendra, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” I laughed, I say this to people all the time…and here my Dad is saying it to me. It’s a great question, one of my favorites!

Then I sat with all these thoughts and wondered if my fear is really not about NOT BEING ABLE, but instead is about BEING ABLE, able to handle anything that comes my way no matter how hard it is. Does that make sense? Then I woke up this morning and read an email from SUPERSMITTE a GBD member who shared this quote. I know and love this quote as well and wanted to share it with you.

A quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that
we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of
God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around
you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make
manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us;
it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own
fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Xo
Kendra

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11 Responses to “Brain VS Subconscious”

  1. taylor nikole Says:

    awww Kendra 🙂
    you will be a wonderful mommy!
    you are already so worried and trying to plan everything, which i think is natural and great.
    My mom got pregnant with me at 17 and she hadn’t even finished highschool.
    I can’t imagine how scary that could have been. she didn’t have a plan or anything, yet here I am today… with an amazing mother.

  2. taylor nikole Says:

    oh hmmm
    that quote was on allison macks website in her blog 🙂
    we had a huge discussion about that…
    and it fits so well

  3. jessica f Says:

    Kendra, i think that most new parents go through the same emotions that you are experiencing. I think that you would make a great mother. Babies are such a blessing, and I hope to experience that blessing some time in my life. please try not to worry too much and enjoy the amazing gift that God has given to you. That baby is such a lucky one, having parents like you and your husband. I hope this makes you feel a smidget better. 🙂

  4. MarilyneL Says:

    Kendra, I wish I would know what to say, but I’ve never experienced being a pregnat woman yet 😛 However, I can totally understand what is going on in your head. You’re freaking out and I’m pretty sure it’s normal, but don’t be afraid of not being prepared, because you can’t totally be anyway. Babies are not like Maths… and my mom used to say that they don’t come with a directions pamphlet either..:P

    By the way, the picture is awesome!

    Take care and cry as much as you want!

    xoxo

  5. Gina Says:

    Awww, what a terrific quote! That really inspires me spiritually. 🙂

    The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Tomorrow is a brand new day!

  6. Hammad Says:

    Please. You have nothing to worry about as far as “mothering” is concerned. I think you’ll be a great mom.

  7. jane Says:

    That was one inspirational quote…

    One thing you should remember is that you are not alone in all these things you are going through. Your baby inside of you is already telling you how awesome you are to be carrying him or her. And you are being caring, loving, and kind by taking care of your body and that little one inside of you.

    You are doing what’s best, and there will be others who would help in the process of caring for you/and the baby. You should trust your values and know that because you are blessed to have this baby, that God will see it to it that you become the mother you are destined to be.

  8. Ver0nik21 Says:

    Woww a really great quote!!! thanx for it!!

    You can never be fully prepared anyways that’s something my mom says any mother have to understand.

    But as many think and some have written: you have nothing to worry!! You are going to be a great MOM!!!

    Great pic!!!! spectacular!

    xoxoxo

  9. AlyssaMarie Says:

    Love the photo.My sister carried the same way twice and she had boys.

  10. robynne Says:

    kendra you will be the perfect mother. coming from a girl who’s mom has the same personality as you. you’ll do fine. and if it will make you feel any better and i hope it does. i’m one of nine. so that means my mjust tell them mom had nine kids and still has her spunk and corky attitude. people often wonder were my siblings and i get are humor we just tell them to get to know are mom. so congradulations on becoming pregnant and you’ll be perfect.

    my mom always tells us “don’t sweat the small stuff, what happens will happen and all you can do is go with it”.
    lots of love. xoxoxoxoxox

  11. Emma-Lu Says:

    Beautiful quote Kendra. thanks for sharing it with us! You’ll be an amazing mommy cos you seem to have an ability to empathise with the way children see the world 😉

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