Movie Madness Monday: Twilight

While watching this movie, I had a huge moment of satisfaction when I finally recognized who the vampire guy was.  He was the popular dude in one of the “Harry Potter” movies…the one who was going out with the Asian chick, then ended up dying.  I mean…he died, but not because he was dating an Asian chick.  Cuz, dude, that would’ve been awkward.
Anyway, I think it took me a while to recognize who he was because he was very pale in this movie.  Very pale.  And it looked like he was wearing lipstick the whole time.  Not that there’s anything wrong with guys wearing lipstick.  I live in New York for cryin’ out loud.  But I was wondering whether that was the “look” they were going for in the movie, or if he actually wears lipstick in the story.  You know…to maybe compensate for his paleness.  Or the fact that his skin, um, sparkles.  In the sunlight.  I think I must’ve missed that news bulletin on vampire skin.  Anyway, I can see how both of these dermatologic conditions could make someone feel self-conscious about his appearance.  But I have a single solution to both of these problems:  Spray. On. Tan.  Am I right, or am I right?  Maybe he’ll realize this in the sequel?  Poor guy.  I mean, the solution is so simple.
I also had another realization.  Young people nowadays have very different courting rituals from the ones I’m familiar with.  Apparently, nowadays, if you like a girl, you’re supposed to almost vomit in her presence, storm out of the room for fear of blowing chunks, cut class repeatedly to avoid her, then follow up that impressive display with sneaking into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep…not once, not twice, but for a couple months.  And if you’re the object of these affections, then these romantic overtures aren’t quite enough to make you swoon.  But hey…find out that the dude is actually a vampire and that it requires enormous willpower and every fiber of his being to resist eating you for dinner like a gigantic, rabid mosquito?  Whoooowhee!  THAT, my friends, is loooooooove with a capital L.
I gotta give the girl credit though…she meant it when she said that she was “irrevocably in love” with the vampire dude.  How else can you explain her giving up a perfectly good, NON-REFUNDABLE round-trip plane ticket to visit her mom just so she could go to prom with the guy?  Despite being coordinatorily-challenged when it comes to really complicated maneuvers, like walking?  And the fact that she had a cast on her leg?  To an event in which the primary activity is dancing?  Which normally requires two good legs?  Unless she can pop and lock like nobody’s business, but I didn’t see her do any popping or locking.  NON-REFUNDABLE ticket people!  Do you have any idea how much serious coin you need to drop to fly round-trip from Washington to Florida??
But you know what?  Who am I to judge?  Because in the end…what’s non-refundable airfare to a girl when she’s got non-refundable love?  😉
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20 Responses to “Movie Madness Monday: Twilight”

  1. taylor nikole Says:

    hahah kathy your reviews always entertain me 🙂
    lol
    i was laughing the whole time

    heyy living near LA… you get some lipstick too

    dude… i think in the next movie … if any kstew should pop lock and drop it
    in the beginning she said she coulnd’t dance…
    and it seems like after an injury like that…
    which wasn’t as horrible in the movie as they described it in the book…she wouldn’t be able to walk…

    hey kathy… when you got a hot vampire/predator/goddessss at home…

    damn.. nevermind it still seems better to get your moneys worth…

  2. taylor nikole Says:

    haha and im hardly waiting to see what mari has to say to this….
    :-p

  3. Marianne Says:

    NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF REVIEW! no offense taylor, but this one pokes fun at twilight mwahaha. so it wins! lalalalala

    she even mentioned the ~sparkly~ vampires.

    In all seriousness now, I find it amazing how people can completely ignore what would seem absurd to an outsider – when they ~love~ something.

    I mean, they ~SPARKLE~ in the sun.

    Another example, I quite liked The Happening (except for the violent, gory suicides… I mean honestly, it’s one thing to lack control to self harm… but then the suicides get exponentially elaborate and gory blah)… but when you try to explain it to someone and say that the “villain” of the movie is…. a ~tree~, well ~trees~ everywhere… and that the lead characters spend most of the movie ~running from the wind~ it does sound quite absurd doesn’t it? haha

  4. taylor nikole Says:

    pfttt no offense taken :-p

  5. kristina Says:

    wow. u must not hav read the book

  6. Binks Says:

    Mari -_-
    lmao Kathy, always making us laugh 😀 He does not wear lipstick in the book, btw…>_> he’s supposed to be pale, I mean HELLO?!? he’s dead…sort of O_O And I dun think vamps can puke since they dun eat…maybe they’d throw up blood? hmmm… and yeah, Bella is a clutz sooo that in itself is self-explanatory 😛
    Love is love 😀 Twilight ❤

  7. taylor nikole Says:

    in one of the books.. didn’t bella say that she was taking edward to florida and such? gosh i can’t remember now.. that is bad :-p

  8. Ver0nik21 Says:

    Oh God!!!this is so soooooooooo funny!!!
    I officially love Kathy’s reviews and articles!!

    I haven’t watched the movie yet no time too much work Oxford killing my brain but as soon as I have time off I’ll go see it to really have an opinion maybe in tonight or tomorrow….
    Still I prefer Edward and not so much Jacob!}

    xoxoxo

  9. taylor nikole Says:

    hmph overall ive decided kathy’s review… kicks my reviews ass LOL

  10. Marianne Says:

    naw taylor it doesnt, its just written differently!

  11. taylor nikole Says:

    nope it does :-p
    its funny cause her review made me rofl LOLL
    i loved it
    especially since she didn’t read the books LOL

  12. Jenipher Says:

    ROTF! LMAO! This was hillarious, love gaining the perspective of a non-Twilight reader! LOVE LOVE LOVED your review! Thanks Kathy!

  13. O.T Says:

    You are my hero. Holy goodness your bloody funny!!! I love your review!! Pop and lock, hahaha 😄

  14. Ver0nik21 Says:

    I love your review too TK!!
    Only Kathy’s kinda different! that’s all!
    😉

  15. Emily Says:

    you obviously haven’t read the books! haha you really should read the first one.. it’s wayyy better than the movie. they’re all really good

  16. Robby Says:

    I haven’t read the books and was shocked at how huge this movie opened at. Got to say, one of the best reviews I’ve ever read that really didn’t give anything away 🙂

    I may still see Twilight, I’m not sure yet. I found out it was a vampire love story and thought “Buffy”. So, I feel I’ve seen this one many times… for 7 seasons…

  17. G Says:

    Hahahahaha.

  18. Rachel Says:

    I just had to say I really loved your review of this movie! Things really have changed from when I was a teen with the whole boy luvs girl/ girl luvs…vampire deal.
    Lovely humourous bit! Thanks!

  19. Lorna Says:

    Yeah, I thought of Buffy too.
    Your review made me giggle. Its all so true. I did wonder why she was so in love with Edward when I was reading the book – hes so moody and angry and keeps going on about how he could kill her or eat her. And he sparkles…
    Still a good book though. Cant wait for the movie to come out in the UK 🙂

  20. Bethany (in England) Says:

    Me and friends from school went to see this on the last day of term. It was the films premier at the cinema so it was packed. As soon as Edward came on everybody was laughing their heads off. he looked sooooo funny! the weird looks and behaviour. Cant wait for the second film though. I wish i could sparkle. It would be kinda cool

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