SEX

Hey Ladies,

Being a new mommy I have been thinking about parenting and was wondering if teens talk to their parents about sex?

I remember in school we had sex-ed class with the typical demonstration of putting a condom on a banana and the teacher asking us if sex was apart of a typical conversation at the dinner table with our parents. “GROSS! Gag me with a spoon!” was my first thought. At the time I couldn’t even imagine talking with my mom and dad, especially my dad about sex! I am sure he would of sent me to an all girls convent if I even uttered the word PENIS. ahahaha! I could just imagine sitting at the dinner table, “Hey Dad could you pass the salt, oh and what is an erection?” But no seriously, where do teens turn to get the answers to their questions and learn about sex?

As a new parent, and I know I have a lot of time to figure this out, but I want my kids to be feel they can talk about sex with me. Don’t all parents say this? But how do you think we as parents can encourage our kids to be comfortable around us about sex? No matter how much we want our kids to come to us with these questions they may choose not to. So then I wondered where would they get the answers to their questions?

My first thought was the Internet, so I Googled what I thought a teen might Google, keys words, like ‘Sex Questions”, “Teen Sex” ect. OMG! NO! MY EYES! MY EYES! there are certain things that you just cant unsee, you know? All kinds of Pornographic sites come up. OK then I freaked out a little, imagining Marcus at the age of ummmm lets say ten, sitting on the computer curious, like little boys are and Googles the word “Breasts”…so I Googled the word ‘Breasts” Surprise, Surprise more Porn! I don’t want Marcus to come across these types of sites and think that this is what sex IS and this is how women want to be treated intimately! Can you imagine if this is the way boys and girls learn about sex? Well maybe it is, is it?

Ok then I thought well when I was a teen I talked to my friends, but now as an adult looking back I realize that I was getting advice from those who were just as confused as I was, hahahaha. But I least I felt safe to be open and honest with my friends, but was this my best source to learn about sex?

Ok to add another layer to this puzzle…what if…what I have learned about sex all of these years aren’t correct either? What if my views of Sex growing up aren’t accurate? How do I know? This is something I need to further investigate. I mean in school they teach you the science of sex and how to be safe, but how do we learn about intimacy, and values when it comes to sex?

What do you guys think? Any insight?

Xo
Kendra

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31 Responses to “SEX”

  1. jessica f Says:

    Kendra,

    I TOTALLY remember learning about sex in the 6th grade, and then thinking about my parents, and then wanting to barf. Coming from an all Chinese family, sex was not discussed AT ALL. My parents never talked to me about it in high school, so to find the answers to my questions, I asked my 16-yr old best friend who already lost her virginity. Needless to say, it wasn’t the best advice. So I had to find out my answers through life experience. It wasn’t until I was in college, living with my boyfriend, that my mom finally became comfortable with the topic of sex. But we still never really talk about it. All she does it buy me condoms. LOL.

    Again, with asian parents, I didn’t learn much about intimacy neither. I actually learned through watching television and having relationships. I think it’s really hard for some parents to be comfortable talking about sex with their kids. We think its gross to think about our parents doing it, parents probably don’t want to picture their little ones doing it and get weird about it too. It must be hard for you to picture baby marcus having his own kids one day! I know that when I have kids, I will try hard to let them know I’m here to talk. I rather they get info from someone more experienced in the field than their friends or having to venture out and find out on their own. Yikes!

    I still don’t know what the real meaning of intimacy is neither. I think my definition is right, but I don’t know. so, I’m in the same boat as you too Kendra! Lol. I’m still trying to figure out life. :/

  2. Gina Says:

    Haha, I never talked to my parents about sex and vice versa. Ever. I don’t have to worry about it either because I don’t like sex and have no desire for it (AKA I’m asexual).

    Unfortunately, they don’t teach asexuality in school so it left me very confused sometimes…

    I was mainly self-taught about sex. My parents never really taught me anything about it. I just had to find it out on my own. And learning about it isn’t really appealing to me. I just have no sexual desire whatsoever.

  3. Kono Says:

    I agree with Gina, but sometimes I wonder if asexuality is forced out with so much porn that the idea of sex becomes repulsive.

  4. G Says:

    You guys got the banana?! We only got the theory of the banana, not even. Hahaha.

    I remember when I was in like grade 2 and I heard a word at school and I went home and asked my mom about it. I didn’t know it was sexual, or anything, but her eyes bugged out and she looked like she was going to have a heart attack. In comes the nana, she “over-heard” me asking and barged in saying, “Patti, just tell the girl!” So they told me, it scarred me a wee bit and I got over it. Two years later, I heard more at school…well I saw obscene gestures, so I asked mom. She didn’t want to say, but the nana was there and once again made her. More scarring ensued and a very awkward talk in which I learned all about sex (Not all about it, but the technical parts, which was more than enough at that point). Then grade 5 rolled around, I heard something else and my friends and I giggled about it and joked about what it could mean and so I went home and I didn’t even bother asking my mother, I just went straight to the nana. My nana’s theory on sex was that it’s better to answer the questions yourself than have your kid(s) go out and try to find out on their own. Looking back on it, despite the awkwardness and all that jazz, it actually worked. My other friends and people I went to school with that had strict parents weren’t as lucky as me and ended up in some situations that they certainly could have avoided if they had been informed from a reliable source. So yeah, I think parents should just bite the bullet and sit their children down and have a talk. I wouldn’t recommend diagrams though…At least not until a certain age…Or at least let the child know that they are there to answer questions, no matter how embarrassing they may be haha.

  5. G Says:

    I’m sorry for the double-post, but I just remembered that episode of That 70s Show when Red and Kitty were talking to Eric about sex, it was hilarious. Y’all need to see it. That’s all.

  6. jessica f Says:

    @G – I LOVE THAT SHOW!! But I havent seen that episode yet.

  7. G Says:

    @ Jessica F- You HAVE to see that episode! It’s episode 19 of season 2. It’s titled “Parents Find Out.”

  8. maha Says:

    @ G yes! i remember this episode, it was fanny, i really love this show

  9. Auntie Kailin Says:

    I have to say, kids I know learn a lot about social interaction (esp. SEX) from tv. School teach the biology of it (I remember the banana and reading “Dear God, It’s Me Margaret”), but the biggest factors are parents, television, and peers. I actually took a Sociology and Sexuality class in college, and it was pretty intense.

    As far as my own personal experience, I have the most open-minded progressive Asian parents I know in that we can talk about anything under the sun very openly. (I’m also of a little bit European somehow, which explains my European nose.) I can’t post a picture here, but you can see a photo of me under Public Figure (Kailin Gow) in Face Book. Yup, my nose is definitely not very Asian-like.

    So, as far as parenting goes, Kendra, I think it starts at Marcus’ age right now – the developing of trust. And the continuing of it past infancy throughout Marcus’ life. You’re right in the beginning of it, as you well know, and is definitely learning about each other right now. You will find that Marcus and all babies are their own little persons already, with their own personalities, etc. 🙂

  10. jessica f Says:

    @G. Thanks so much! I will try to find it online LOL.

    @Kailin – you’re so lucky with such open parents. I will try to find you on facebook 🙂

  11. Auntie Kailin Says:

    @JessicaF – you found me! Welcome to my world, girl 🙂

  12. Kristina Says:

    Hmm…touchy subject. I mostly learned about sex through TV and movies but I do wish I could have talked about it with my parents. You know, so they could answer all my questions on things I weren’t sure about. Haha I think they actually have a show now called “Sex with Mom and Dad”.

  13. jessica f Says:

    haha thanks kailin!!

  14. G Says:

    @Maha and Jessica F- High fives!! I think that episode was a good guide as to what not to do when talking about intimacy lol.

    Speaking of which, I think intimacy is just something you’re always learning about and there is no definite answer, because it’s something that varies from person to person

  15. taylor nikole Says:

    “Let’s talk about sex, baby
    Let’s talk about you and me
    Let’s talk about all the good things
    And the bad things that may be”

    haha
    i had my mom ask me if id ever had sex the other day….
    awkward…

    no thanks to a certain someone…
    whos name wont be mentioned!
    but they know who they are LOL

    ^^
    long story

  16. Ashley Nguyen Says:

    Hmm uhh .. I learned about sex through MOVIES and TV. Oh yeah .. I learned it definitely from school. The first time I became concern about the word “sex” was when I was middle school when everybody was nearly talking about it and it really bugged me out and was very disturbing to me. My parents never talk about it and they’re vietnamese, but they would think that we already know what it means because of all the chats at school or the rated R movies we watch and being safe from it. But my mom simply told me, though, not to have sex or have a boyfriend through high school and get in all this trouble or else she’ll kick me out of the house and never speak to me again. But she says I can have one through college, but not do sex til I get married, lol.

  17. taylor nikole Says:

    okay well
    I remember taking sex ed in like 7th or 8th grade…
    once we got to STDs….
    i was friggin scared… it didn’t interest me
    id be like

    “omgg! stop it! i don’t want that to happen to me! No he doesn’t want it to fall off! I got it! nooo sexx!”

    I think I even plugged my ears during lessons… and had to see diagrams
    ohh geez…
    that was 8th grade…
    and then the hormones hit
    and you are like… well maybe i could, but the other part of your brain still has those diagrams in your mind… and the pictures that they showed you.

    hahah soo if talking to your kids doesn’t work… but the big book of STDs…
    yep thats right!
    scare your kids out of sexxxx

  18. Chris Says:

    oooo That 70s Show…..love it

    hmm I think there is a taboo about talking about sex with your parents. It is almost like an unspoken rule not to talk of such things in the household. Parents oughta just tell their kids what it is…..they are gonna find out anyways. They might as well be educated on this matter 😛

  19. jessica f Says:

    @ G. *High five* (Yay for that 70s show)

    @tay tay – i forgot about learning about STDs. I remember how scary that was!! that is a very good tactic to promote abstinence. you are one wise girlie LOL!

  20. Binks Says:

    I’m sure the size 30 font saying “SEX” won’t attract attention at all =p

    haaahha oh boy Kendra.
    Yes I have melted my eyes on Google more than a few times as well. O_O
    hmm how did I learn about sex? from my friends I suppose. Friends and DEFINITELY Tv and movies. My mom took me to see all types of movies even if I was a kid. Of course she’d try to cover my eyes in some parts but c’mon…that never really works 😛 She was always really open about it, I knew that if I had a question I could talk to her about it….but then she’d give me too much info and I’d be like grossed out, I mean hello?! TMI! PEOPLE! T.M.I!!! >_> anyyywaaaaaayyys. I stopped asking her about it and just found out by myself through friends and TV or computer. Most often times I’d get the wrong info and then find out and I was like: OHHH!! so that’s how it works….
    haha, school only showed the parts and what happened afterwards, it didn’t do anything for me except “USE PROTECTION AND GET TESTED” about it…

    everyone finds out gradually through time and interaction. *shrugs*

  21. taylor nikole Says:

    ^^
    only you binks.. only you
    pahahaha

  22. Ash Says:

    Well.. when two people are MARRIED and IN LOVE… =P

    Thats how you start off the “talk”. 😉

  23. Chris Says:

    mmhm I suppose you would know “Grandmama” Ash …….too bad J never had that talk with me 😛

    I think they need to have better sex ed programs in schools and teach more about using protection.

  24. Ash Says:

    It’s seems now a days that all they do teach/preach to you in school Sex ed. are about the diseases, and try to scare you away from having sex… and of course they will say use protection(condom, pill, etc.) if you are not ready to deal with the consequences that can/will arise… or … abstinence… :-/

  25. Emma-Lu Says:

    mmm where did I learn about sex? Um, my friends, tv, movies, sometimes my parents tried to talk about it (maybe they were just curious hehe) but they have this very liberal attitude, so ironically I found myself conservatively saying, ‘Ew, no thanks (covers ears), don’t want to talk to you about this end of conversation, BYE!’ arrggghhh.
    I think it shouldn’t be a taboo subject in the household, but parents should not be tooooo open about sharing, otherwise you get a bit freaked about it.
    I think it really depends, because you learn the biology at school, but (in my class too) they didn’t emphasize the importance of protection and attitudes and values surrounding sex. That’s the problem, it’s either toooo liberal an attitude or too conservative.. aii… there must be a balance… and now I’m rambling… Kendra… I think you learn as you go in life, you learn from experience how to deal with the consequences….but we should never be scared of it just because of those serious risks (STDs). cos what good is that! People should just be clued up themselves on all aspects of it! learn and ask questions from people you trust.

  26. Megi Says:

    Mm I don’t know,may be the first time when I heard the word sex was from one boy(Alex) in kindergarden.In my language the word ‘sex’ is very close to ‘keks’ that means -a cake.So that boy said:Let’s go to my bed and make ‘keks’. I remember that I was very confused.
    Anyway ..now everything I know about sex is from TV and internet.My parents are great people,but I really don’t want to talk about sex with them.I also have conversations with my friends about sex.

    P.S.
    sorry if i make some mistakes in the comment..English isn’t my first language 😉

  27. MarilyneL Says:

    Well…I loove coincidences….and well, I came back home yesterday night, must have been like 1 am…my parents are gone for 2 days…my brother had the house for himself. A car is in the drive way, girl boots on the carpet….the thing is, he does not have a girlfriend…at least “officially”. So I found the situation very funny; my little brother almost caught in action by his big sister… I think he knew what he was doing and that he was respectful. I haven’t spoke to him about it and I don’t think I will for a while, just to see where and how it goes.

  28. puffy Says:

    Sex wasn’t talked about at home. Of course, it was a naughty word in the school yard but from what I saw on TV, I had intepretted sex to be kissing and cuddling. Naive was my middle name.

    When I changed schools my new friend took pity on me and, during a sleep over, introduced me to one of those “Where did I come from?” books. In retrospect, I think that was a good way to learn. It was factual, calm and something I could read in private without feeling embarassed.

  29. taylor nikole Says:

    PAHAHAH chris bananas ftw!

  30. marie Says:

    yea THEY teached me that at school and then I remmember asking the details to my mom and she did and It was not really awkard..I mean was a kid and I didn´t think it was a big deal knowing that stuff but I remmemeber my friends being confused about the whole deal because their parents didn´t tell and we were like 11. I think it´s best to have the conversation as a young age so then when they grow up their friends would not confuse them. It worked for me.. 🙂
    but yesterday mom told me that she preffered me to not have sex before marriage wich I agree on 🙂
    But If I taked the decision not to wait for she told me that I should be smart and use protection .
    But still i´m staying this way until I make the decision of giving this gift to the person I´m sharing the rest of my life with.
    this is my opinion .. 🙂
    but that decision is personal and nobody should change it.
    😀
    LATER GIRLS.!
    XOXO marie

  31. marie Says:

    btw sorry for the grammar mistastakes sometimes I skip words or add more…. hehehe
    xoxo
    marie

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